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From February 1995 publication
With most couples, there is the initial high of falling in love. Over time, some of them somehow deepen their love and the relationship flourishes. Many other couples gradually lose their love and enthusiasm for one another. What are the missing ingredients for staying in love?
Our relationships with others offer us a mirror-like reflection of what is going on inside ourselves. It is so easy to ignore this mirror and give too much power to our partner as the source of our good or bad feelings. We tend to praise them when we feel good and blame them when we feel bad. For the relationship to grow, we must be willing to look through the other-ness of our partner and realize we are looking into a mirror. We must see ourselves as the source of all our feelings. In other words, our physical relationships are background settings for the important soul lessons we need to learn as individuals. There is a gift hiding behind every difficulty presented by our relationships. When each of us opens to these deeper teachings, our relationships with others acquire more beauty, depth and purpose.
Over the course of 30 years together, we have been lifted to the heights of love and intimacy that are possible through conscious relationship. We know the process of relationship is a vehicle for accelerated growth and a powerful spiritual path for awakening. We have learned the ingredients for the ecstatic merging experience relationship can be. Of course, we fall short from time to time-yet the vision of perfect relationship is ever before our eyes. We know it is possible for couples to stay in love.
Reprinted from the Autumn 1994 Heartletter by permission. Joyce and Barry Vissell are the authors of 3 books on relationships and present workshops throughout the country. They are founders of the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001 and can be reached by calling 1-800-766-0629. Call or write to receive their free newsletter.
From June 1995 publication
Imagine a nutrient that can improve human fat metabolism, increase the human brain's ability to function, strengthen your immune system and improve muscle mass, all at the same time! This nutrient is an amazing amino acid called glutamine.
Life can be demanding and stressful enough. Add in the factors of work, family pressures, daily hassles, and exercise and you can find that you've really run your body into the ground. Americans are notorious for skipping meals, either because of hectic work schedules, or with the idea of losing weight. These factors stress the immune system by limiting the nutrients needed to build new blood cells and repair damaged cells in the body. Drinking large amounts of coffee or smoking cigarettes further tax the body's immune system.
Glutamine improves the immune system's ability to manufacture white blood cells that fight infection and repair new cells. Glutamine also enables the body to maintain constant blood sugar levels. This blood sugar balance is necessary for optimal brain function since the brain utilizes glucose (blood sugar) as a primary source of fuel in addition to oxygen.
As you can see, the amino acid glutamine can be a vital factor in your general well being as well as adding more mental energy to your daily workload.
Bill Palat lectures throughout Central New Jersey and is the owner of two natural health food stores, Everything Natural, Pond Road Center, Rt. 9 North, Freehold NJ, and a 2nd location at Monroe Town Center, 103 Applegarth Rd, Cranbury, NJ. For more information on this nutitional product, Bill can be reached at (732) 431-2666.
From June 1995 publication
In ancient Greece and other civilizations, dream temples were created for the big dreams to be dreamt. People traveled long distances, and once they reached the temples, they underwent special rituals and cleansings in preparation for dreaming.
Historically, dreams have always held a unique status in different cultures and religions. Native American Indians saw the dream as a means to contact the spirits and gain power from them, and believed dreams were visionary and foretold future events. The dream interpreters were granted a special status within the tribe.
Today, it is not necessary for us to travel to dream temples and seek out the advice of the holy men who inhabit them to discover more about the importance of dreams in our personal lives. Dreams can offer us information about our future. They can guide us in creative problem-solving and self-healing, and reveal truthful aspects of ourselves which have been hidden from our conscious mind. Dreams rely upon pictures to unfold their stories and often present these images to us over and over again until we become familiar with their symbolic meaning..
I have often turned to my dreams as a source of self-understanding and self-knowledge, and have learned to understand the personal symbols and images which dance across my mental screen. At a time of personal illness, almost 15 years ago, my dreams pointed me in the direction of self-recovery and healing. Even before I became healthier, the dreams took on a quality of joy and re-affirmation of life. The dreams constantly serve as a source of creative inspiration for me as a writer.
The first step in discovering more about your dreams is to keep a dream notebook or tape recorder by the bed and record your dreams upon waking. I sometimes find that it helps to incubate a dream the night before by relaxing myself and suggesting to my subconscious mind that I will dream.
Remember, it takes practice, so don't be discouraged if dream recall isn't immediate. Dreams are gifts of the spirit and deserve to be received in thankfulness.
Jo Ann White, Ph. D, is an author, counselor who offers individual and group activities and workshops in dreams, hypnosis, creativity, past life, Reiki, and meditation. She is available for lectures & presentations and can be reached at (609) 547-7503.
From June 1995 publication
At 7:08 A.M. on April Fools Day Uranus enters Aquarius where it will stay (expect for a quick retrograde period later this year) until March 2003. Uranus hasn't been in Aquarius since January 1920. We can expect some new adventures in free thinking once Uranus, the planet of sudden changes and new age thinking, becomes firmly grounded in the humanitarian sign of Aquarius. April also promises other adventure because of a Lunar Eclipse at the time of the Full Moon on April 15 and a Solar Eclipse at the time of the New Moon on April 29.
It might be wise to steer clear of emotional encounters on April 12, 13, 14, since everyone will be in high gear during that time period. Avoid confrontations which can be put off because it will just end up in an emotional mess. People will misunderstand you and drag you through experiences you could certainly live without.
If you are planing a new venture, the perfect time could be at the end of April after the eclipse or the beginning of May. Mars remains in Leo until May 25 so smart fire sign people, Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius, will take advantage of the energy and make both career and personal moves which could put them over the top. Jupiter, the planet of expansion, is retrograde in Sagittarius until August 2 and remains in Sagittarius until the end of the year. This gives fire sign people an added opportunity to make some moves.
Full moon in May falls on Mother's Day, May 14, and Mercury goes retrograde on May 24 at 5:02 A.M. and stays until June 17 at 12:36 P.M. Mercury goes retrograde again at 5:15 A.M. on September 22 until October 13 at 8:47 P.M. During these times it is best not to start new projects because they never seem to work out the way they are planned or they are subject to any number of mishaps. Good advice would be just to let things ride until the planet goes direct. New moon in May is on the 29th and this is usually a good time for new starts, but with Mercury retrograde it would be unwise to start anything new.
Pluto entered Sagittarius on January 17 and brings change in our spiritual outlook, expands our horizons, and will change our value system. Pisces, Gemini, Virgo, and of course Sagittarius will feel the impact most fully now and again in early 1996. One could certainly predict that the changes made during the 60's , 70's, and 80's will be pale in the light of the change promised by Pluto in Sagittarius.
Mars enters Virgo on May 25 and with it all Gemini, Virgo, Pisces, and Sagittarius people must watch tempers or they will make a few friends mad. The full moon on June 13 brings emotions to the forefront and we should watch our driving at that time. New moon is on June 27. Full moon in July is on the 12th, and in August on the 10th. These are times to watch. New moon in July is on the 27th and in August on the 26th. There will be a Harvest Moon on September 8 and a new moon on September 24. By the end of the summer with Pluto back in Scorpio for the final time and Uranus back in Capricorn our expected changes could be delayed, put off, or dampened.
Flo Higgins is a professional Astrologer and the owner of Aquarius Rising Bookstore, 775 River Road, Fair Haven, NJ 07704 (732) 842-3871.
From June 1995 publication
Sometimes in life, we are faced with experiences which produce feelings stronger than our emotional system can tolerate at the time. This is very visible in sudden catastrophic situations such as a car accident, or the unexpected loss of someone we love. It is less visible, but equally as powerful, in family dynamics such as alcoholic families or other dysfunctional families in which we are habitually subjected to physical, mental or emotional abuse which is beyond our emotional capacity at the time to experience.
We are each blessed with a wonderful ability to survive these powerful emotional experiences which would otherwise be overwhelming. Whenever we are in a situation which we cannot fully experience, we have the ability to distance from (or disassociate with) our feelings and make it through the experience until we are safe once again. The trouble is that while we make it through the experience without having to feel the intense feelings at the time, we take all of the intense feelings associated with the experience and stuff them within the cells of our body. The cells of our body contain the ability to remember, much the same as the cells of our brain, and each area of the body is dedicated to stuffing particular feelings. Whenever we stuff a powerful feeling, we store the emotional energy associated with the feeling into the cells of our body.
While this stuffing process allows us to make it though and survive difficult experiences, there can be a heavy price to pay later in life. Stuffed feelings block or limit the flow of vital life force energy in our body. This can create dis-harmony in our emotional life and dis-ease in our physical body. It causes us to react to life and limits our ability to live spontaneously. It can also limit our fulfillment in or relationships, creativity and joy in life.
Stuffed feelings can, however, be cleared. The clearing process requires that the stuffed feelings be triggered (or restimulated) and the associated suppressed energy block be released. Integrated Energy Therapy is a modern holistic therapy approach which combines the healing effectiveness of talk based therapy with the power of energy based body work and directs it to find, and clear energy blocks and their associated stuffed feelings. The IET process is based on the following four steps.
The IET process is wonderful to experience and easy to learn. The Center of Being offers both private IET sessions as well as IET training classes throughout the year. The IET process has been shown on the nationally televised PBS series Front-line in a show called Divided Memories which featured therapies that support people in clearing suppressed feelings and memories.
Stevan J. Thayer is the founder and spiritual director of the Center of Being, with offices in Holmdel and Boonton, New Jersey. He is an interfaith minister, a Reiki Master, a professional Rebirther, and the creator of the Integrated Energy TherapySM system.He can be reached at (732) 946-0550 or (201) 331-9700.
From October 1995 Publication
Rebirthing is a form of yoga breathing. Loosely explained, yoga breathing accomplishes something more than just oxygenating the blood stream. The rebirthing breath has as one of its primary functions facilitating the release of emotional energy trapped within the mind.
The mind, the organ in which we store our memories, and the body, it its entirety, are one and the same. The body houses our memories, including our perceptions from the universe and whatever thoughts and emotions we generate. Our emotions get stored in the body/mind when we don't express them fully--and this trapped energy may result in emotional problems, mental problems, and even a host of physiological diseases that have plagued mankind since THE DAWN--conditions and diseases for which modern medicine wastes mega-millions of research dollars each year.
The power of rebirthing is such that it gains us access to the subconscious content of the mind. Emotions and memories that have been forgotten and stored there, since birth, and even before that, are brought up to consciousness to provide us with information--to be dealt with--to be processed out and resolved. Yoga breathing facilitates the release of trapped energy--with this, healing, at the emotional level and at the physical level, occurs.
This powerful form of breathing was dubbed REBIRTHING twenty years ago by Leonard Orr, the rebirthing guru of the western world. He determined that by ten sessions the individual will release and, thereby, resolve any birth trauma he was carrying. He will, effectively, have had a rebirth.
Classically, you lie down on a soft mat wearing loose, comfortable clothing. At most, a light snack to ward off the hunger pangs. Your eyes are shut, bright lights are dimmed, and you are with a trained rebirther coaching you through the process and keeping the space safe. You begin with normally deep breaths--then, building upon each succeeding inhale, you expand to full lung capacity. The inhale is actively powerful, while the exhale is relaxed. Breathing is connected--there is no pause at either end of the breath. In the course of NORMAL breathing most people take shallow breaths and usually pause a few seconds at each end. In rebirthing the exhale begins immediately at end of inhale and the inhale begins immediately at end of exhale. The pace of this breathing is brisk, as when jogging.
The breathing ends when there has been a complete release of energy--one that leaves the individual with a profound sense of peace and even bliss. Afterwards, sharing the experience supports understanding it further and anchoring it to memory. The session, then, ends with a hug.
Prior to rebirthing I was in therapy and precious little was getting accomplished. My second rebirthing session won me my long-sought emotional stability. That was eleven years ago and I've not since seen the inside of a therapist's office. Also, I've been healed of hypoglycemia which, like diabetes, you are supposed to be saddled with for a lifetime. Rebirthing is now a way of life with me.
Nicholas Jouvanis, who has a BS in psychology, has been a rebirther for 11 years. His training includes studying with Leonard Orr, the founder of Rebirthing in the Western world. Nick can be reached at (732) 846-4458.
From October 1995 Publication
In the past few years, we have become more aware of the need for alternative and complementary ways to take care of our health. There are many reasons for this. One is that we have become aware of the side effects of many conventional medicines, both over the counter and prescription. Secondly, there are now many diseases that do not respond to conventional treatment and lastly we want to take more responsibility for our health care. We are finding that taking steps to prevent disease is ultimately more effective and that preventative medicine begins at home.
Homeopathy fulfills the need for non-toxic, self health care. This 200 year old healing art and science uses natural remedies to stimulate the body and mind to heal naturally. It does not simply remove symptoms, it works by stimulating the body's natural immunity to disease. Homeopathy is widely accepted as an effective alternative system of health care in Europe, South America and Asia. In addition, homeopathy is part of the national health insurance program of Germany and is the treatment of choice of the royal family of England.
The remedies used in homeopathy are from all three kingdoms of nature and are prepared in homeopathic pharmacies using a special process which renders them completely non-toxic and safe. During the preparation, a substance is continually diluted, shaken, and then sprayed onto small sugar pellets. The number that is printed after the name of the substance (6c, 30c, etc.) refers to the number of times it has been diluted.
Homeopathy is based on the idea that what can cause symptoms in large amounts can cure those same symptoms when given in the homeopathic dilution. This is called the law of similars. Therefore, in order to use these remedies correctly, it is necessary to learn the symptoms each remedy can cure and be able to match the remedy to an individuals' symptoms complex.
By learning how to use a few homeopathic remedies one can replace most of the contents of a conventional home medicine cabinet. Just to mention a few of the uses, injuries, burns, flu and cold as well as headache and fever fall within the scope of homeopathic treatment at home. Most problems that can be treated at home with conventional over the counter drugs can be treated as well or better with homeopathic remedies.
These remedies are readily available in health food stores or through homeopathic pharmacies and about two days training is all that is needed to start a person out using these remedies for the above mentioned problems.
Jane Cicchetti is the founder and director of the Five Elements Center. She has created and teaches The Homeopathy Workshop and the Homeopathy Workshop home study course and has written several books on holistic healing. Her courses are held at the Five Elements Center, 115 Rte 46 Mt. Lakes, NJ 07046, and can be reached at (201) 402-8510.
From October 1995 Publication
Since investing terminology sometimes overwhelms people; let's begin with a brief discussion about financial investments and building wealth. Most Americans would like to save and accumulate enough monetary resources, so they may retire comfortably. Another goal is staying ahead of the inflationary spiral. History has shown that over time, investing either in equity mutual funds or common stocks helps achieve these goals.
Below is a brief Description of Common Stocks & Mutual Funds
Ownership of Common Stocks: A person may purchase shares of a common stock of a company and is now an owner of this company. This person may now share in the growth and possibly in some of the profits the company achieves.
Equity Mutual Funds: An Investment Management Company pools money from many investors and invests it in common stocks. A benefit of this process is diversification and the intent to grow the investors' proceeds so that they may share in the profits from its investments. Mutual Funds hire professional analysts, management and advisors to achieve these goals.
Socially Conscious Investing: This involves at least two (2) criteria. The first criteria is financial which quantifies whether a company is financially sound and has growth potential. The second criteria determines whether a company takes a more conscious view toward society.
Note: Socially Conscious/Responsible Investing is a nebulous term that may mean something completely different to two (2) or more people. So below is a series of Socially Conscious considerations. You may be able to think of others.
Socially Conscious/Responsible Investments
Environmental and Social Investment Considerations as described in Responsible Investing by the Calvert Group, Betheseda, MD 20814.
* Environmental Practices
* Involvement in Nuclear Power
* Manufacture of Weapon Systems
* Manufacture of Alcohol or Tobacco
* Participation in Gambling Industry
* Management/Labor Relations History
* Equal Employment Opportunity Issues (based on gender, race, religion, nationality & sexual orientation)
* Consumer Protection Issues
* Women/Family Benefits
* International Operations/Human Rights
* Animal Welfare
* Positive Environmental Programs
* Reliance on Alternate Energy Sources
* Contribution to Health Care
* Investments in South Africa (formerly an avoidance standard)
Ownership in Socially Conscious Mutual Funds allows the individual investor to have some confidence that a financial and socially conscious criteria has been applied, before an investment has been made.
Some companies' have businesses which lend themselves to these social criteria and other companies have several businesses and a particular business may meet the criteria used. So a Mutual Fund may invest in a company's stock based on one business meeting some social criteria. Each Mutual Fund may have a different set of selection criteria and it is possible you may not agree with the purchase of each individual company in a mutual fund portfolio.
Sometimes individuals and organizations will purchase the stock of a company with the hope they will be able to affect some change in a policy or way that a company does business. Through dialogue and communication changes are sometimes affected and sometimes not.
Orrin Gordon is a registered representative (financial advisor), who has been an individual investor for 30+ years. He enjoys teaching others the importance of developing plans that are in harmony with their financial goals. He may be reached at (800) 828-6050, (732) 846-1889 or at home (201) 659-1613.
From February 1996 publication
I'd like to start by sharing with you my Achilles Heal; I am a recovering criticholic. I confess this in the hope that my story might inspire any fellow criticholics out there to realize what they have been doing and get help.
Like many, I spent years in denial of my thinking problems. I fancied myself an average social criticizer, enjoying a few harmless criticisms of myself and others at parties and other social situations. Then I noticed myself sneaking in a few criticisms while all alone. Soon I was waking up in the mornings and starting my day with a double shot of straight criticism. When I found myself criticizing myself for how much I was criticizing myself, I knew I had a problem. But where do I go for help? There was no twelve step group for this disease, and I was definitely out of control.
As fate would have it, my recovery started with a bout with the law. One day I was thinking and driving, and I got caught in the act. A police officer pulled me over. He had clocked me on his mental radar judging myself at eighty-three times an hour. My thoughts were all over the road. I had no excuse. He arrested me for inner child abuse, disturbing my own peace and driving myself crazy. He also warned me about how my thinking problem contributes to psychic air pollution and eats away at the ozone layer. Uy Veh, Did I feel guilty!!!
In court I was asked to be my own prosecuting attorney, since I had so much experience in that role already. Of course I won the case, and was found guilty as charged for feeling so guilty. I thought they would throw the book at me, being that domestic self-violence is such a heated issue these days, but the judge let me off with a warning that if I was found beating myself up again, I would serve hard time for giving myself such a hard time.
The court suggested I visit a hospital that specialized in the treatment of Chronic Critique Syndrome. Upon examination I was immediately placed on the Critical List. The doctors were blunt. They told me if I didn't learn to be more gentle with myself, my mental habits would lead me to a probable Critiac Arrest. I decided to rest my critic instead and open my heart before a surgeon might have to do it for me.
Achilles Heal - When one's greatest weakness alchemizes into a great blessing that serves humanity.
Chronic Critique Syndrome - This disease leaves the sufferer unable to see and enjoy the good. It is passed from parent to child, and can also be caught from the media. The disease affects the eyes, often leaving the sufferer with a condition known as Anal Eyes; the predisposition to Anal Eyes is everyone and everything, especially the Self. The cure is a series of operations designed to remove the layers of anesthesia blocking one from their true feelings. People in remission often can be seen spreading joy and hugging on the streets (i.e., Jimmy Stewart at the end of It's A Wonderful Life).
Critiac Arrest - This occurs after years of a person attacking their own heart. The heart fails, leading to such possible side effects as physical death or major attitudinal changes. More Americans have critiac arrests than any other metaphorical illness.
Scott Kalechstein is a professional musician, song writer, and author. This introduction is from a soon to be published book. He presently has seven musical albums released on cassette and compact disk. For a catalog of Scott's music collection, or book information please write to Scott Kalechstein, 204 N. El Camino Real, Suite E220, Encinitas, CA 92024.
From February 1996 publication
For too many people, a visit to the dentist is a "white knuckle" experience. Many patients will mention that they hate going to the dentist but "It's nothing personal, Doctor." To the fearful patient, the total dental experience involves many factors. They think of the antiseptic smell permeating the reception room. The whine of the dental drill can separate the men from the boys or women from the girls. Apprehension mounts as the patient is taken into a small treatment room, covered with a drape, and promptly laid flat. He is surrounded by uniformed people who wish to come at him with foreign objects and to violate that important physiological space, the mouth. This person, most likely, is a fearful person in general. What better way to help him become a member of the stable patient population than by using homeopathy. The support of the indicated remedy will make a tremendous difference. Gelsemium is the number one remedy used to overcome fear of dentists. A 30C or even 200C (3 pellets dry on the tongue) dose taken on the morning of the procedure is sufficient to enable the patient to regard the dentist as a friend, rather than an invader with painful tools. This remedy is especially good for children, and adults who act like children, to help them become calm and mellow, creating a relaxed state contributing to easy, gentle work for the dentist. Often times, the patient will wait until he is experiencing dental pain before he makes an appointment with the dentist.
Dental pain is a real attention-getter. The best laid plans come to a sudden halt. The patient becomes remorseful and berates himself for not going to the dentist earlier when the first slight twinge was felt. As he spends the night walking the floor, two little words that can make a Superman a wimp keep going through his head: root canal, root canal. This acute situation can happen to any of us, but there are certain ways to stack the cards in favor of the patient. The most obvious is to see a dentist regularly to have small problems taken care of before they become emergency situations. If you become a partner with your caring dentist in the total care of your mouth, teeth and gums, most problems can be prevented or reduced to minor therapy. Treatment expenses can also be kept to a minimum.
Each of our teeth has a hollow center that is filled with blood, nerves and lymph tissue. This is called the pulp of the tooth. This tissue can be damaged by trauma, such as being hit in the mouth. Deep decay will cause a bacterial infection inside the tooth. A root canal simply cleans and shapes the hollow center of the tooth so that a special type of filling can be placed to prevent further infection. The concept of raising the resistance of the individual to combat the infection and the resulting pain is the objective, and brings us to the valuable role that homeopathy can play in dentistry. Root canal therapy usually calls for the utilization of heavy pain medication and antibiotics. Usually a well-selected remedy will provide comfort and support. Just saying that the tooth hurts is not enough. The sensation, and all associated problems, is needed to select the proper remedy. For instance, Chamomilla is an excellent remedy for the oversensitive patient, who fears pain in general and faints or screams at the thought of pain, highly indicated in children and nervous patients. The pain is pulsating, jerking, drawing and is worse with cold, or from a draft, from intake of coffee or warm drinks, from masticating (grinding teeth), from pressure and from the warmth of bed or the room. Mercury Sol. or Merc Viv offers relief for drawing, pressing, tearing pain that is worse at night, from cold air, from damp weather, during eating and goes with involuntary flow of saliva and swelling of the face, abscess of the roots and nasal discharge. Many restless nights and vacation days have been saved by the timely application of the above remedies.
It is not uncommon, after having your dentist place a filling, to have a period of sensitivity that can be most uncomfortable. Fortunately, homeopathy can assist the pulpal tissue in returning to a normal state of health. For tooth pain after a filling, the most popular remedy by far is Arnica. It is used for a pulling sensation in the teeth while eating that is worse after mastication and for the typical bruised sore pain that is worse upon touching. Another valuable remedy is Hypericum, which is needed for pain that is worse at night or during motion and has a typical drawing, electrical tearing nerve pain. Nux Vomica can be used for pain that is worse at night, from a cold drink, around 3-4 AM and after eating. A skilled dentist can make the choice for you but a dose of Arnica 30C routinely taken after a tooth filling will save you from a lot a pain.
A dentist skilled in homeopathy will amaze you when you experience the results he obtains. The patient himself should always take a dose of Calendula 200C or 30C when extensive surgery is needed or if the patient is a slow healer. Your homeopathic dentist will help you with bleeding problems, TMJ, abscesses, prevention of abscesses, premature decay of teeth, slow dentition (development, cutting or arrangement of teeth), etc. Be an informed patient and have the best of both worlds: homeopathy and modern medicine!
Dr. Mark Berkowitz has been a dentist for over 20 years and is a graduate of the North American School of Homeopathy. His dental practice is located at 459 Hwy 79, Morganville, NJ 07751. Dr. Berkowitz can be reached at (732) 591-1112.
From February 1996 publication
Reiki is Universal Life Force Energy. The Japanese word Reiki consists of two parts--Rei, which is universal and boundless, and Ki, which is the vital life force energy that flows through all living beings.
Through much searching, it was rediscovered by Dr. Mikao Usui at the end of the nineteenth century. The Usui system is one of the simplest and most natural healing methods of treatment that can be utilized for the health and well being of people, animals, places and things.
Through a gentle laying on of hands the practitioner transmits the healing energy. It can also be transmitted through absentee healing. The Reiki channel does not use their own energy but allows the divine lifeforce to flow through them. Know that as you give, you receive the benefits of Reiki.
Reiki works through the following:
The study of Reiki:
Joan Weiss is a Reiki Master and is also trained in Mariel and Therapeutic Touch. She has facilitated Healing Circles for the past 3 years, completed her Certification of Divine Healing and is a Science of Mind Practitioner. Joan can be reached at (732) 727-4966.
Sandie Gervasio has been involved in earth & world healing for over 10 years. She is a Reiki Master, Spiritual Healer, Flower Essense Therapist, and does ceremonial work. Sandie can be reached at (609) 538-0408.
From February 1996 publication
My triplets were born only weeks prior to my father's suicide. It took a great deal of energy to get though the first weeks of their birth and my father's death. Suicide is a traumatic, violent and sudden loss. The intensity of emotions due to complicated grief can cause survivors to experience a lack of energy. It takes energy to suffer. It takes energy to get out of bed in the morning. Survivors can take the energy around them, from the earth and from their higher source, and bring that energy through their bodies, into the painful place that stores their grief. As it moves into the pain, healing takes place. Healergy is using energy to heal during the journey of complicated grief.
More than 30,000 people died by suicide last year in the United States. Unresolved feelings due to suicide become an invisible mass of energy that grips survivors. The grip tightens and refuses to move, finding a place within the body. The guilt, shame, anger and social stigma, become a part of this energy flow, which turns into pain, a physical symptom.
Energy flows through the body; it needs to move. As grief energy spirals, it can get stuck in one spot. Shoulders, stomach, lower back, and heart are parts of the body that are vulnerable to blocked energy flow. By sitting quietly, and bringing all of the attention to the body, locating it is possible. By feeling the pain, meditating and visualizing the blocked spiral of grief forces the energy to move. Searching for the root or core by visualization, and envisioning the core being severed, it will flow and swirl within the body. The energy is no longer attached. By bringing conscious awareness to its presence and considering the direction of the flow through the spiral, controlling its movement out of the body is possible. Every conscious breath is a life force working with the energy flow.
Energy is an inherent power that exists within the body as a natural movement and is inseparable. Blocked energy, due to complicated grief must be moved consciously. As the meditation continues, slowly and rhythmically, the spiral moves in faster and looser swirls. Being consciously aware, and visualizing the moving swirl through and out of the body, unblocks energy. It takes time and "energy" to achieve.
Energy is a powerful force and it is moving the social stigma and shame out into the open. Approximately 500,000 people attempted suicide last year in this country. Perhaps the collective energy of healing will stop suicide once and for all.
Barbara Rubel, B.S. Psychology, Certified Grief Counselor, is the Director of The Griefwork Center. The Center offers On-Going Healing Circles for Survivors of suicide, Family of those who died by homicide, Friends and family of men and women who died of Aids, Couples whose child died by SIDS, anyone touched by complicated grief, and their care givers. Barbara is available for lectures and workshops. Barbara is doing two workshops on Griefwork at Mystic Gateway. Check for date and time. For more information regarding The GRIEF WORK Center, write them at P.O. Box 5104, Kendall Park, NJ 08824.
From June 1996 Publication
The spiritual concept of Karma has been used to mean the unfinished business carried over from past lives. As a professional counselor and together with my wife, doing marital counseling, I sometimes, humorously, call myself a Karma-mechanic; not for unfinished past-life business but rather for working on the unfinished business from this life; from our childhoods; the kitchens, living rooms, etc. where we experienced and internalized thousands of intricate real life interactions with our parents and siblings. These resulted in how we see ourselves--our self image; how we relate to an intimate partner--via experiencing our parent's relationship; how we address conflict; how we parent; and other aspects of our lives.
As a counselor, I see my role as helping people understand the patterns they have carried into the present, especially the ones that are emotionally harmful or self sabotaging. For example, a man who grows up with a father who is critical and demeaning often grows up feeling that he can never measure up, that somehow he is flawed and can never succeed. His father's voice has become his own as the man now criticizes himself emotionally and sets standards that are perfectionistic. He also may pick people who are critical as intimate partners. Or he may be critical like his father, transferring this way of being onto his children who never seem to measure up.
As a Karma-mechanic I try to help people see where their major negative patterns came from and how it originally served them. Often these patterns serve as a survival mechanism in their families of origin. A girl becomes the "good child" to protect herself against the ire of an alcoholic dad. She learns that survival means not rocking the boat, ever. She anticipates everyone's needs and is everything her parents want her to be; the very image of the good girl. As a woman she tries her best to read everyone else's needs, still the good girl. Yet she never expresses her own needs and secretly wants her intimate partner to read her mind and anticipate her needs (needs that have never been expressed). Then she resents her partner for being insensitive because in reality the partner does not have the lifetime of expertise in overly anticipating others' needs as she has.
I have seen how people get into relationships that fit like a hand in a glove; each partner filling a role from childhood. A man who was catered to by parents who did too much marries a woman who continues the role of taking care of him. The relationship may exactly serve her childhood need as well since she may have grown up taking care of her younger siblings as a pseudo-parent, her own mom self absorbed and unavailable emotionally. She found her identity in caring for others and continues the role. Now these two work together except for the fact that the woman feels like she has no self of her own and the man is sabotaging career efforts because he has trouble taking responsibility.
In relationship counseling and in workshops, my wife, Liz, and I help a couple see where they've gotten the patterns they're "laying on" their mates. Also, how they may be working well together to meet earlier although not positive needs, as in the above example, the need to continue to be taken care of or the need to be the one in control. As we begin to understand the nature of these patterns, the couple can begin to decide what is working for them and what is not; what obstacle exist to being intimate, honest and vulnerable; what do they truly want from each other; how to work as allies to overcome the limiting patterns of childhood, and how to supportively resolve the conflicts between them.
The concept of allies is important here. Instead of focusing on our partner's negative behaviors; feeling attacked or badly treated; we can try to understand those patterns of interaction as old tapes that were learned. Together, as supportive friends we can help each other grow beyond them. A good example comes from Liz's and my relationship. I come from a family where my mom wielded most of the power and my dad was quiet and resentful, saying, "you can't fight city hall." Liz in turn grew up in a family where her brother and father were high powered figures. She had to battle her way into decision making by being somewhat forceful to keep her point alive. Transferred to the present, at times when we are discussing a plan of action, Liz presents in a forceful way and I find myself feeling resentful that the decision has been already made. Echoes of growing up! Sometimes I find myself giving in and not even asking myself what I feel or want or need. However, since we are allies and have been working together on these things for many years, Liz and I are familiar with this pattern and she reminds me that I also have power and that it was only her idea, no "done deal" at all. I sometimes remind her that a dogmatic way of presenting engenders for me my dad's response and that she doesn't have to present that way with me. Together with each other's help we are growing beyond these limiting patterns.
In our couples work Liz and I help couples get in touch with these patterns and learn how and why they originated growing up; explore what they truly need and want from their partner; learn some communication and conflict resolution techniques and most importantly how to work as allies from a place of love and support. It gives us a tremendous feeling of accomplishment and joy to see couples who were repeating interactions that no longer served them, in fact that were hurting them and their families, to begin to see these patterns on a different level and like the metaphor of Karma, to no longer be bound by them. We enjoy seeing couples get off the wheel of repetition and try on new behaviors that are more conscious, supportive and loving.
Ken has a masters degree in Counseling Psychology and has been a psychotherapist since 1981. He works with families, couples, individuals and groups. Ken has lectured and conducted seminars throughout New Jersey on a variety of topics and can be reached at (732) 819-9837. Ken and Liz will be presenting a workshop here at Mystic Gateway titled, "Intimate Allies: A Workshop for Couples" on Saturday, August 3, 1996. See class description for more details.
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