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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.
The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it."
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card.
The boy walked in with his report card -- unopened -- laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"Nope," said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the 'plus sign,' I just knew they meant business!"
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore,
and you can spend all your time loving each other in your
bedroom."
(Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."
(Tommy, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
(Mike, 10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy
her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos
of the wedding."
(Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing
thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be
willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
(Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them."
(Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid.
I don't need that kind of trouble."
(Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
(Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,
but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
(Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don't
want to do it. It takes to long to learn."
(Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your
family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
(Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
(Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
(Christine,9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they
paid good money for them."
(David, 8)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The
Simpsons' are on TV."
(Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've
been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
finding me."
(Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
enough."
(Regina, 10)
PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you
have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
(Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
(Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
(Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something
she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
(Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love."
(John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get
cold. Other people care more about the food."
(Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like their hearts are on
fire."
(Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU":
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he
showers at least once a day."
(Michelle, 9)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:
"You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the
best of you."
(Doug, 7)
Hey Bruce, U taught me how to kiss when I was Just
14 yrs old! ha ha!! I remember it well!!!!
"It might help if you watched soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you
....that's why I stopped doing it."
(Jean, 10)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
(Tom, 7)
"Don't forget your wife's name...that will mess up the love."
(Roger,8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never
take the trash out."
(Randy, 8)
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