* Lawyer Humor

------------------------------ CONTENTS ------------------------------

{ About Mystic Gateway } { About Directors } { Articles - Current } { Articles - Previous }
{ Bulletin Board } { Classes } { Events - Ongoing } { Health Freedom Watchdog }
{ Legal Disclaimer } { Links - Holistic (commercial) } { Links - Holistic Oriented }
{ Links - Other } { Links - Search Tools } { Mailing Address } { Newsgroups }
{ Practitioner Listings } { Products & Services } { Therapies } { What's New }
{ Drinking Water Filter Systems, Drinking Water Safety (offsite) }


Mystic Shoppe - Vitamins, Herbs, Books, Gifts, etc.

 * Order Books and Tapes from Amazon.Com*

Lawyer Humor


Subject: Beyond reasonable doubt...

(as quoted from today's Idaho Statesman - Life Section)

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way: The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers' Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, 
    he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

3. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

4. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

5. "Was it you or your younger brother killed in the war?"

6. "Did he kill you?"

7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "How many were boys?"
    A:  "None."
    Q:  "Were there any girls?"
12. Q:  "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
    A:  "Yes."
    Q:  "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q:  "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
         which I sent to your attorney?"
    A:  "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

14. Q:  "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    A:  "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

15. Q:  "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
    A:  "The autopsy started around 8:30pm."
    Q:  "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
    A:  "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
         doing an autopsy."
16. Q:  "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
    A:  "I have been since early childhood."




E-mail us

Page maintained by Jan Rosenstreich, Copyright(c) 1999. Created: 02/06/1999 Updated: 02/06/1999